I didn’t want to write this down in
my journal. Had our laptop right in front of me so I decided to type it here
instead. So much has happened in these past few months alone. I guess part of
my brain is still trying to process it. I’m happy with how things are and how
they’re doing despite the struggles that Bobby and I have been
experiencing. He’s been so stressed out and I feel so bad. I know he said he
would do so and let him do all the worrying and everything. Still…. I don’t
feel any less bad for him. We’ve always been supportive of each other. Part of
me wants to help take the burden from him. But coming towards the end of this
pregnancy and all that’s come with it, I know I must rest as much as I can. So,
I following Bobby’s wishes and just relaxing until our son Luke is born.
I
know this seems confusing but I’m about to explain. I’ll start from the
beginning and try not to make it too long of a story. At the start of my
pregnancy with my daughter, Raven, six years ago, I was diagnosed with factor 5
Lydon. A blood clotting disorder. They found a pulmonary embolism in my lung.
It just means a large blood clot was in there. It’s genetic and only rears its
ugly head during pregnancy for me due to the influx of hormones that come with
it. It was an easy pregnancy and I had no more issues through the pregnancy and
delivery. Fast forward to now. I found out I was pregnant in July/August. Bobby
and I have the first appointment and wait for the prescriptions to fill
at…Walmart. Unfortunately, Walmart’s pharmacy take too long and I develop 3
clots in my one leg. I switch pharmacies at Bobby’s insistence (more like
demands) and things haven’t been a problem since then…. until the end of
February.
At
the end of February, we had our baby shower and it went great. Later that night
I started having Braxton hick’s contractions so I kept track of them. They went
away until morning when they picked back up again so naturally I thought I
might be going into labor. We took Raven to my parents’ house so they could
watch her and jetted off to the hospital. After 6 hours of blood work and
sitting in a little triage room, the nurses stopped my contractions because I
wasn’t far enough along and I was only 1 cm dilated. Since then, I’ve spent time
in labor and delivery twice, once being overnight. All I feel is disappointment
and frustration. Especially with the last time. See, I’ve developed
preeclampsia. Only solution: delivery. It’s basically high blood pressure.
We’ve been taking my blood pressure to see how high or low it stays and blah
blah. All I know is I’m ready to give birth to this boy. I can’t wait until
he’s here in my arms and we can love him forever. But all these damn doctors
and these issues make it feel like it sucking that excitement from us. It’s
been set up that on March 30th at 5:30 am, I’m going to be induced.
And that’s only 5 days from the day that I’m writing this. Whether I have him
naturally like I wish or I end up having a C-section, only time will tell.
Add
to all that, Raven is on her Spring Break from school, so everyone is working
together to make sure she’s going to be taken care of and I know where she is
and how she’s doing while I’m in the hospital. What sucks is its flu season
with a strange strain of flu this year. So, Raven won’t be allowed to see me or
Luke while we’re in the hospital. That could be up to a week. I’m not exactly
happy about it but I’m hoping they’ll at least let leave the maternity ward
long enough to see her for a bit. I’ll be pissed if they don’t.
On
a positive note, we’re as ready as we can be before Luke is born. We have a
crib, a swing, car seat which is installed in the car now (YAY!). A lot of clothes and blankets, diapers,
bathing supplies, etc. only things we don’t have is a crib mattress and a
stroller. We could use more diapers and wipes but we could always buy more as
we go along. We have enough to get us started. Well, this Preggo mama is hungry
and I’m going to spend as much time with Raven as I can this week before
Thursday. Wish me luck. And I can’t wait to see Bobby’s reaction when Luke is
finally here. I want to see his reaction so bad. I’m looking forward to the
future and living life moment to moment.
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